She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
