Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
