I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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