I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
