saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
