oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
