I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
