Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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