So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize