My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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