Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
