Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
