I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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