Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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