If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
