My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
