i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
