ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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