is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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