The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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