Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
