no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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