would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
