In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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