went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
