We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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