"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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