Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
