i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
