I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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