I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
