I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
