K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
