ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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