she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
