The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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