Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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