Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
