The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize