Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
