Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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