You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
