I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
