dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
