Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
