i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
