She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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