Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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