Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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