I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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