ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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