I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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