How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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