Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
