literally had 100 drinks last night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
