So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
