I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
