why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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