Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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