a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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