no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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