whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
