I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
