Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
