Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
