dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
