Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
