Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
