We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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