Who wears a wallet chain?!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
