im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
